Well, 'the one who disappeared' reappeared via text last night. Never thought that would happen.
Here's what happened...
I went to a birthday party at a trendy bar by myself.
My intuition kept telling me that 'he who disappeared' would be there.
It got to the point that I even thought I saw him a couple times. What's weird is that he even came up in a conversation I had with a friend earlier in the night at a coffee shop.
As I was leaving the party, a guy that I know from high school, Bob, was just getting to the party. I stopped to talk to him - we haven't caught up in almost a year.
Out of nowhere, he asked me: 'Are you dating 'he who shall not be named'? (using that instead of his name, just like Voldemort) My heart started racing, and I was super awkward and said 'No. How did you know we dated? And we dated for two months almost a year ago.' I quickly left the party - I had to get to my parking meter (and wanted to get out of there!).
When I was driving home, I thought to myself, 'Why does he keep coming up?! I am SO done talking about him. SO SO done. F*ck it. I'm over it. I surrender. I'm just so done talking about him.'
I texted Bob to apologize about being weird about the dating question.
And what I thought was a response from Bob turned out to be a text from The One Who Disappeared!!!
The One Who Disappeared: I hear you're dating me :)
Me: I heard that too.
The One Who Disappeared: He's great - congrats
Me: That's also what I heard tonight.
The One Who Disappeared: Missed you at Bungalow
Me: Timing is everything.
And that was it. Gone again. WTF?! Why bother texting me at all?!
I don't know the last time I've had such a visceral reaction to receiving a text. It was CRAZY and terrible!!! I got super hot, flushed, heart racing, my hands were shaking. It was f*cked.
And even crazier? Our first date was Dec 27th of last year and he texted me on Dec 27th of this year.
And even crazier?! I had finally made the decision to be done with him minutes before he texted.
And even crazier?!? Bob hadn't seen him in ages and didn't know he'd be at the party either.
For some reason, the Universe has had him 'randomly' pop up in conversation from unexpected places all year.
Thank God for parking meters; otherwise, I would have still been at the bar when he got there.
And I'm grateful my intuition told me that he would somehow pop up. It made his text less of a surprise. Funny - I almost deleted his number 2 weeks ago.
I'm feeling a little bummed that he popped back up like this, but I know there's a reason.
Just letting go & trusting the Universe.
Wednesday, November 30, 2016
Tuesday, November 29, 2016
Who ISN'T Getting Married? WTF?
I have NO desire to get married right now.
I don't crave it. I don't imagine it. I don't get sad hoping for it.
I'm assuming my biological clock isn't ticking yet. Maybe I'm a late bloomer?
Pretty much all of my closest friends have serious boyfriends (and looking at rings) or are engaged or already married. It's incredible. I have about three friends who are single conmigo ('with me').
Facebook was unbelievable this holiday season - probably 20 engagements and at least 10 babies. And let's not forget a couple divorces. Fo' real.
It probably doesn't help that I went to school in Wisconsin and lived in Chicago for four years post-college. The midwest gets on that bandwagon young - it's kind of amazing and awkwardly consistent. I sometimes wonder if I stayed out there, if I'd have gone down that path too. BUT, that is not the case. I moved back to LA and chose to pursue a creative path, and I love it.
I'll never forget when my first love and I broke up. I was 23 years old, straight out of college and had just moved to Chicago for a job (he also happened to live there). We sat down about three months after my move and had 'the talk.' He said something I'll remember forever.
He said, 'I feel like you're the kind of woman who is always going to be more focused on your career than raising a family.'
At the time, I got defensive and thought he was an idiot. Fast forward six years. I'm single and fully focused on my career. A more recent boyfriend asked if I'd follow him to Iowa. 'Are you out of your f*cking mind?! No! I just moved back to LA to pursue my dreams.' I guess that wasn't the nicest or most sensitive way to say, 'No, thank you. I don't choose you and Iowa over my life purpose.' We broke up 3 weeks later. He still lives in LA.
So, is it true? Am I part of a generation of women that chooses career over marriage? Or is it a more authentic time when women have the CHOICE to pursue a career instead of marriage at a young age? I prefer option #2.
However, I have no doubt that if my soulmate shows up tonight or tomorrow, I'll be on-board. I'll 'make it work' and give time, love, energy and attention to my career and my boyfriend.
Building a relationship takes an incredible amount of time and energy. It requires 'creative' energy to create a relationship. Well, a creative career path also requires creative energy. It seems that at this point, all of that creative energy is being siphoned to my career, and I'm totally cool with that.
I like companionship with men, and I have a few guys that I hang out with. No one that I make out with right now, but I'm ok with that. That physicality stuff messes with my mind anyway.
So, for all the single ladies out there nearing 30 and fully focused on their careers, it's ok. I've even read that some of us are legitimately 'late bloomers' in love - it's more common than you might think.
Do your work. Live it up. Love being single. Right now, you get to go where you want, when you want, with whomever you want. You don't have to negotiate schedules and travel and family time. You don't have to pretend to like their friends. You don't have to deal with their 'moods.'
For my friends that are in relationships, that sh*t isn't easy either.
Whenever I make a last minute plan, or think about how many guys I've had the opportunity to meet and get to know over the past year and a half of being single, I remember that none of that could have happened if I had a boyfriend.
There are a lot of blessings in being single. (I just have to remind myself of it when another engagement pops up on facebook. Thanks fb.)
I don't crave it. I don't imagine it. I don't get sad hoping for it.
I'm assuming my biological clock isn't ticking yet. Maybe I'm a late bloomer?
Pretty much all of my closest friends have serious boyfriends (and looking at rings) or are engaged or already married. It's incredible. I have about three friends who are single conmigo ('with me').
Facebook was unbelievable this holiday season - probably 20 engagements and at least 10 babies. And let's not forget a couple divorces. Fo' real.
It probably doesn't help that I went to school in Wisconsin and lived in Chicago for four years post-college. The midwest gets on that bandwagon young - it's kind of amazing and awkwardly consistent. I sometimes wonder if I stayed out there, if I'd have gone down that path too. BUT, that is not the case. I moved back to LA and chose to pursue a creative path, and I love it.
I'll never forget when my first love and I broke up. I was 23 years old, straight out of college and had just moved to Chicago for a job (he also happened to live there). We sat down about three months after my move and had 'the talk.' He said something I'll remember forever.
He said, 'I feel like you're the kind of woman who is always going to be more focused on your career than raising a family.'
At the time, I got defensive and thought he was an idiot. Fast forward six years. I'm single and fully focused on my career. A more recent boyfriend asked if I'd follow him to Iowa. 'Are you out of your f*cking mind?! No! I just moved back to LA to pursue my dreams.' I guess that wasn't the nicest or most sensitive way to say, 'No, thank you. I don't choose you and Iowa over my life purpose.' We broke up 3 weeks later. He still lives in LA.
So, is it true? Am I part of a generation of women that chooses career over marriage? Or is it a more authentic time when women have the CHOICE to pursue a career instead of marriage at a young age? I prefer option #2.
However, I have no doubt that if my soulmate shows up tonight or tomorrow, I'll be on-board. I'll 'make it work' and give time, love, energy and attention to my career and my boyfriend.
Building a relationship takes an incredible amount of time and energy. It requires 'creative' energy to create a relationship. Well, a creative career path also requires creative energy. It seems that at this point, all of that creative energy is being siphoned to my career, and I'm totally cool with that.
I like companionship with men, and I have a few guys that I hang out with. No one that I make out with right now, but I'm ok with that. That physicality stuff messes with my mind anyway.
So, for all the single ladies out there nearing 30 and fully focused on their careers, it's ok. I've even read that some of us are legitimately 'late bloomers' in love - it's more common than you might think.
Do your work. Live it up. Love being single. Right now, you get to go where you want, when you want, with whomever you want. You don't have to negotiate schedules and travel and family time. You don't have to pretend to like their friends. You don't have to deal with their 'moods.'
For my friends that are in relationships, that sh*t isn't easy either.
Whenever I make a last minute plan, or think about how many guys I've had the opportunity to meet and get to know over the past year and a half of being single, I remember that none of that could have happened if I had a boyfriend.
There are a lot of blessings in being single. (I just have to remind myself of it when another engagement pops up on facebook. Thanks fb.)
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