30%

According to an article I read, 30% of couples are unhappy.  

I think it's 30% of people are unhappy and it is reflected in their relationships.

They say you attract what you are. 

My guess is that you aren't a happy camper, you'll attract a non-happy camper. Two non-happy campers don't make a joyful relationship. (I think that's the saying ;)

When I was dating I was told to work on myself - be the best version of myself - so that I could attract a solid partner who reflects the parts I love most about me.

Well, the trick to that is that I had to start loving myself.

I joined a meditation class, took a lot of yoga, jumped into activities and said 'Yes!' a lot. To be honest, I was super busy - driving all over LA. Performing in stand-up comedy shows, going to comedy shows, going to friends' dinners, co-hosting an online show about pop culture, working out, the list goes on and on.

I'm really good at being a happy busy person.

For me, I distract myself from my feelings by being busy. It's my best 'No, really, there's nothing wrong. Look how busy I am!' I also hide my emotions in being hyper-social.

Some people retreat when they're not feeling great about themselves, I go into hyper-social mode. The more I can spend time with others, listen to their stories, be a supportive friend, the less I need to be alone with myself and my feelings. It's an interesting twist.

When I get really busy, especially with social activities (I can fit about 10 coffee meetings into a day plus a lunch and a dinner), I can tend to feel the loneliest. Mostly because I haven't been spending time with my inner child - myself - to check-in and ask her what she needs.

Now that I'm in a relationship, I can feel those same feelings bubble to the surface. Whenever I notice myself getting frustrated, sad, angry with my significant other, I pause and ask myself, 'What am I frustrated, sad or angry about internally?'

My relationship with my boyfriend tends to mirror my relationship with myself. 

So the better relationship I have with myself, the better my relationship can be with him. And as I fall deeper in love with myself, I can be more aware of his behavior that doesn't work for me and have clarity and courage to speak up and set boundaries.

When I start hearing those negative thoughts in my head, it's time to pause and check-in to what I'm not loving about myself, so I don't throw a 'misplaced emotional dagger' at someone I love just to subconsciously bring his energy down to my level so I don't feel alone.

Step 1: Continuously clean my (emotional) sh*t up. 
Step 2: Be a good partner.