Dick in a Suit

When you take the potential of having sex and/or a relationship out of the equation, you stop making excuses for guys.  You start to see them with a new pair of glasses.  

You see the real person, not this potential 'great boyfriend' image that I try to squeeze guys I date into.

It's like squeezing a rectangle block into a triangle hole.  A simple lesson learned in pre-school.  

I guess I'm just figuring out that it applies to who I want men to be versus who they really are.  The reality doesn't match my fantasy.  Shit.

I've been hanging out with guys, as friends, and I'm discovering that when I date guys, I start to make exceptions and excuses for their behavior.  

"It's ok he didn't call me or text me back, he's just busy with work" or "He doesn't make time to see or talk to his family, he's probably is just really busy with work" or "He didn't call me on my birthday, but it's ok because he took me out the night before to celebrate."

Bullshit.  Bullshit.  Bullshit.  I would NEVER be ok with these acts of dick-ness from friends.

I would call them up and ask what the deal is and let them know that my feelings were hurt.

Fun Fact: A dick in a suit is just a fancy dick.

There's this nonsense double standard when you date and are lookin' for a mate.

Now that I've put dating on the backburner, I can see men as what they are without any physicality confusing my brain.  I don't care what people say, women get just as hooked to the physical part of a relationship as men do.  It clouds our thinking too.

When I take it out of the equation, my thinking is clearer and I get to choose whether I want to invest time and energy into who they are as a person or if they are an energy vampire and not worth the investment.

I've started asking myself questions like:
1) Does he make me smile?
2) Do I feel lighter and happier after I hang out with him?
3) Do I trust him?
4) Is he a good man and a good friend?
5) Does he remember when I have a big event in my life and ask how it went?
6) Does he listen?
7) Does he call me out when I'm being a punk and do I feel comfortable calling him out?

"The more  we love our friends, the less we flatter them; it is by excusing nothing that pure love shows itself." - Moliere

BOOM.  That's what I'm talking about.

So, the next time that a text is ignored or I'm thinking, "that wasn't very cool, dude" I'm going to try to muster the courage to speak up, just as I would with a friend who is a girl.

I'm letting go of guy-pleasing and embracing truth.  This could get messy.