But...He Really is a Great Guy...Really...Kind of.

Oh man.  I did it again.

I started making excuses for a guy, and I didn't even have to date him to have to make excuses for him.  He's just a friend and here I am, justifying his behavior.  It's such a seamless pattern...

Action: He doesn't text back for 12 hours.  

Justification: He's probably just busy.

Action: You call him and he doesn't call back.  He text messages you 8 hours later.

Justification: He called, right?  That counts.

Action: You tell him that his lack of responsiveness doesn't feel good.  He responds that he treats everyone that way and just forgets to get back to people.

Justification: He's really fun to spend time with when I'm with him. 

Yup.  That's how it went.

It all came to a crashing halt when I told him that the way he disregarded me didn't feel good.  He dismissed my feelings and has yet to call me back or text me in 3 days.

I feel like a jackass even sharing this story.  It makes me look like an idiot, when I think of myself as a confident, smart woman, but it's the truth.

I was telling this story to my 'circle of trust' friends and caught myself justifying his behavior.  When my 'circle of trust' confronted me with how disrespectful and self-centered his behavior really is, I then became defensive.  

Shit.  Not good.  I know this pattern.  

It's the same pattern I got into with the last successful, ambitious business guy I dated...

BUT I'M NOT EVEN DATING THIS ONE.  

There's a great 'parable' that I heard a few years ago...

A guy walks the same way to work everyday.  One day, there's a hole in the sidewalk and he falls in.  He vows to never fall in that hole again.  The next day, he falls in the hole again, this time spraining his ankle.  He vows to never fall in the hole again, and this time complains to everyone about the hole.  The next day, falls in the hole again, this time breaking his ankle.  Every time, he gets more hurt and more angry and confused.  Finally, the next day, right before he falls in the hole, he pauses, sees the hole and turns left.  

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.  - Einstein

On Tuesday, I turned left.  I'm choosing something different.  

I'm choosing to give my time to loving, kind, generous, thoughtful, inspiring people (men and women).

I don't exactly know what the journey looks like when I turn left, but I'm willing to find out.  

I made a similar decision about 3 years ago with my female friends, and incredible women have entered my life.  They continue to ask me to be a better woman and push me to love and be loved and be emotionally vulnerable.

I'm now ready to accept those kinds of relationships with men.

Universe, let's do this.

Shit.  Now that means I've gotta be honest, open and emotionally vulnerable with guys?  

It's gotta be better than what I'm doing now.  What I've been choosing feels like running full force into a 3 foot wide brick wall.  The same brick wall.  Over and over.  

All I have to do is walk around it.