What is a date?
Definition: When the intentions of both parties are to have sex, it's a date.
This has been an essential piece of the puzzle for me during this Dating Detox, and most of the time the intentions of both parties are not made clear.
A guy, who I thought was a friend, and I went out for a couple meals. We met at the restaurant for a lunch and a dinner and then I asked him to pick me up for a dinner, because my house way on the way to the restaurant. At the end of each meal, I pulled out my wallet, but he then offered to pay, and I let him.
Is that a date?! Shit.
I was hanging out at his apartment a lot. I was writing while he was working. He never tried to kiss me or even have a long, lingering hug.
I think the most sexual contact we had was a high-five or a brief 'pelvises not touching' hug.
One night, we were having a convo about dating.
Guy: Is what we're doing dating?
Me: (nervous) If I didn't know it was a date, it wasn't a date.
Awkward silence.
He then made some jokes about the fact that we are gonna date once my Dating Detox was over. He suggested that he wasn't convinced I'd be able to hold out that long with the temptation of his presence. He even suggested that he needed an extra month to prepare me to date him.
I'm not gonna lie... I'm super attracted to him, so his joking about dating was super weird for me.
Are we building a friendship or is he manipulating me?
I'm not innocent when it comes to intentions.
This Dating Detox has been an excuse for me to get to know guys without the risk of them wanting sex. I need a long time to get to know a guy and trust a guy before I'm willing to date them or hook up with them.
I'm a 'slow developer' when it comes to physicality in a relationship. What if my intentions are to have sex with them at some point, but not for a really long time?
My friend asked me how many times guys have 'taken me out' for meals or coffee since I started the detox.
It's true. I've gone out with guys for meals and coffee, always with the intention of paying my own way and being upfront with them that I'm not dating, and they payed anyway. They are true gentlemen.
Do they just have really good manners or are they trying to f*ck me?
Would a true Dating Detox be no in-person contact with men one-on-one?
Are good manners confused as flirting? Do good manners automatically mean a guy wants to f*ck you?
Was that a date?
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