Dating is Cray Cray

I thought that by giving up dating, I'd want to date again.

I don't.

When I go out to dinner with friends or my family, I see couples on dates, and I cringe.  It looks miserable.  I try to guess which date they're on.

First date: They have 100% small talk and the girl is always smiling.
Second date: A bit more flirtatious with an intimate touch, maybe a hand or the small of the back as she walks by.
Third date: Why bother eating dinner?  They're gonna f*ck.

Dating is cray cray.

The dressing up, the awkwardness, the small talk, the trying to fit all my stuff from my day-to-day purse into a tiny clutch purse (so he doesn't think I carry around a duffel bag, which I do, when I'm not on a date).  And for me, the restaurant pick is also tricky.  I eat chicken, fish or steak and vegetables...a shit ton of vegetables.  I order extra sides of vegetables.  It can get aggressive, especially if roasted root vegetables, turnips, brussel sprouts or mushrooms are on the menu.  Veggies = Game time.  It can be off-putting for a guy to see me order 2 extra sides of vegetables.  For me, it's hilarious and delicious.

I can't really imagine going back to dating.  I don't like it.  I don't even like watching it. 

I read a stupid amount of articles and blogs about dating and relationships.  I guess you could call me a 'dating seeker.'  All dating scripture is directed towards women.  They explain what women should say, shouldn't say, 'why he disappeared', how to be a good listener, how to not be who you really are, how to lie so he falls in love with you and puts a ring on it so you can then show him who you really are but it's too late for him to back out, and on and on.

What it comes down to is this: When it's right, it's right.  

You're heels, tiny purse, listening skills, lies, Spanx, new lip gloss, wine knowledge and ability to giggle are not gonna get you to be in a relationship with the right guy.  They'll get you your first husband, maybe, but it won't be love.  Love is what happens in-between all that shit.

You're gonna be on dates with a lot of douches who talk a big game and a lot of nice guys who you don't want to f*ck.  And you'll probably encounter a combo pack of both.

It all comes down to the fact that dating has a 1% success rate (unless you get married 5 times - if you live in LA, this side note probably applies to you).

Women need stuff explained.  They can't just accept what is.  Why didn't it work out?  Why didn't he call?  Why did he disappear?  Why didn't he imagine the same wedding on a cliff in Malibu as I did?  Didn't he notice I wore the red dress for him?  Why did he dump me for an idiot?  Does he like blondes?  Why, why, why?

WHO THE F*CK CARES!!!  It didn't work out.  Let go and move on.  Dating is mostly rejection.

Rejection is the Universe's protection.  Be grateful.  It's all preparation for the right one.

I read a quote: Patience is the active acceptance of present circumstances, not just passive waiting.

Be patient.  Enjoy being single - you don't have to compromise or ask permission.  That's a gift in and of itself - and it won't be that way forever.

Side note: By the way, this advice that I'm giving is actually to myself...it's not for all for you.  They usually say the advice you give is the advice you need to take.  Shit.  I guess that applies to me too.  I just got a dose of my own medicine.

Not as delicious as roasted turnips, but I'll take it.