Crush Fail

It's been over a month since I re-inserted myself into the Dating Matrix.

I have avoided every date that's come my way.  Or the Universe has had my back 100% and provided awesome opportunities for either the guy or me to cancel with no reschedule.  Thank God!

I have become such a pussy when it comes to dating.  I just can't get myself to do it.

There's a guy I met out at a friend's show (lots of those when you live in LA...someone always has a performance of some kind), and we had seen each other before on a couple of occasions (he had a girlfriend at the time).  I didn't think much of him in the dating respect, due to the fact he was taken, but when we ran into each other at the comedy show, he was single...and really sweet.

We kept in touch on facebook and he invited me out a few times, but I declined each time (for various reasons, aka I've become a dating pussy).  And then, to my glorious surprise, he went out of town for over two months!  Woo hoo!!

While he was gone, we texted and he called a few times to chat (yes, he called!  What a miracle!  A guy who...calls!!).  It's hilarious how much social anxiety I felt when the phone rang and his name popped up on the caller ID...I forgot how to talk on the phone with a boy.  His texts made me laugh and talking on the phone was fun.  We seemed to be getting along great from a distance (my perfect kind of courtship...no touching).

Well, he got back.  AHHH!!!  Now the pressure is back on.  Touching might be involved.

I can't think thoughtfully about a guy when touching, kissing, etc. is involved - it f*cks with my thinking process.  Instead of, 'I feel great when I'm with him.  He's really sweet and thoughtful,' it turns into 'It feels great when he touches me.  He's really good with his hands and a great kisser.'  Not quite the same.

We went out on our first date.  I know, I know.  I said I wouldn't date, but I had to try it.  We met for coffee (both drank tea) and went to a comedy show.  We hung out with our own friends at the show and didn't talk at all.  It was perfect.

Just an hour of convo pre-show and then separate planets.  That's my kind of first date!  

Lots of distractions and other friends after the show...perfection.  No touching or kissing, just a simple hug goodbye.

Well, we went out on a second date.  This is usually the 'makeout, maybe a boob touch' date.  I'm not down for that.

I only have dates at 3rd party vendors.  

Keepin' the dates at public places is fantastic.  So, we watched the sunset at the bluffs, got some tea, talked for 2.5hrs and then went to see Wreck-it-Ralph.  Didn't have to do the fancy dinner nonsense or dressing up.  It was fun.  Good conversation.  A good mix of witty banter and legit get-to-know you honesty.

When he dropped me off, I got super nervous while we were in the car, so I gave him an awkward side hug, said I had a great time, got out of the car and basically ran to the front door.

I was such a weirdo!  I got so nervous.  I didn't want any physicality yet.  Too soon!

Due to my awkward sprint to the front door, I knew I had to let him know that I had fun, so I texted him, 'Had a great time tonight!'  He responded and said something sweet, so it's all good.

The next day, I felt a little weird about my weirdness, so I acknowledged my nervous side hug/sprint out of the car.  He said he understood and wanted to keep it PG anyway.  (sigh of relief)

Now the sh*t storm.  

The next date is supposed to be the 3rd date.  You know what that means...it's usually the boning date or at least the 'acknowledge you both have private parts' date.  YIKES!!  We haven't even kissed yet or held hands.  We've barely even had a lingering hug.

He texted: 'Next time, you want to come over to my place to watch a movie?'
What I read: 'Next time, want to bone?'

I panicked.  That is not my idea of a date, at all.  I know what 'I'll make you dinner at my place' and 'watch a movie at my place' really mean.  It means 'it's time to hookup.'  Sh*t balls!!

I politely texted back, 'I take things really slowly and it makes me nervous to go to your place.'

He texted, 'I don't take usually things slowly, but in this case, I'm traveling a lot, so I'm pro-really-slow.  I like getting to know you and I'm not interested in diving into anything...'

THANK GOODNESS I WAS HONEST UPFRONT.

The next date could have been the most awkward date ever!  Now, we'll see if he actually wants to get to know me or if he just wanted someone to hook up with before his next trip.

Either way, it's all good.