Alphas & Betas: Which Are You?

I am LOVING this concept of Alpha and Beta when it comes to dating and relationships.

Alpha: The do-ers.  The go-getters.  The in-your-face-ers.  The leaders.  The Type As.
Beta: The chill, behind-the-scenes peeps.  The 'I'll get it done, but on my own time' crowd.  Relaxed, casual, cool.  Not looking to take over the world, but will high-five the alpha who does.

I fully acknowledge that I'm Type A.  I'm an alpha.  I came out of the womb as an alpha (you can ask my mom and dad - they'll confirm it).  I even wore business suits in elementary school (I had a skirt suit with a blazer).  I think I even had an ascot and a broach at one point.

Now, the trick to this is that I have a tendency to attract fellow alphas.  We get each other.  We talk the same language.  We also have a tendency to motivate each other to the point of pushing each other off an emotional bridge by prodding each other to our limits.  It's almost like we challenge each other and try to one-up each other.  It's ugly.  But it's kind of fun.  The witty banter is incredible.  And they're typically really charismatic guys, which can be super sexy.  They are literally the worst for me emotionally.

I've realized that I like to play with alphas (text, flirt, date), but every serious relationship I've been in (total of three) has been with a beta.  

My first love wanted to be a high school golf coach and history teacher but instead chose to work for his family's company (he just got married & I hope he becomes a teacher - he'd be great at it).  One wanted to own his own bar (and now does in a college town with his wife).  And one was a male fitness model who gave up his dreams of acting.  These guys all made me realize that...

I need a beta with a purpose.  A beta with a clear dream and goal and the courage to pursue it.  A beta plus.

The guy who disappeared (he who shall not be named / inspiration for this blog) was a HARDCORE alpha.  He's a baller in his industry.  We would tell each other our schedules hour by hour for the week and determine the one night that we were both available.  On our dates, we talked about what we accomplished that week, the capacity of the mind and other deep f'ing questions all the time.  It was intense.

I think we even spent one date cuddling while watching a TED talk.

When he quizzed me on my memorization skills, I got off the phone thinking, 'What the f*ck am I doing?'  That's an awesome feeling when you're dating someone.   Fun Fact: He re-quizzed me at my birthday dinner to see how much information I retained.

It was SO empty for me.  I left a lot of conversations missing something - feeling a little empty.  

And I started questioning myself.  Am I doing enough?  Am I enough?  What am I doing with my life?  Every moment of confidence I had seemed to be drained away whenever we discussed our 'accomplishments'.  It always had to be bigger and better.  It sucked.

I can only be friends with alphas.  I can't date them.  We would never see each other.  We wouldn't make time for each other.  It would be exhausting.  Always one-upping each other and not celebrating each other's success.  Always on our own pages, our own journeys, occasionally meeting up at stop signs or a quick meal.

I currently have an alpha man-friend in my life.  I'm not totally sure his interests are in being friends, but for right now that's where we're at.  He is a super alpha.  He asked me about my plans for the weekend, and when I told him, he said, 'wow. busy.' and then added, 'I was being sarcastic.'

REALLY?!?  That's all I need.  Someone to push me to take any quiet time I have and make me feel guilty for it.  Yikes.  I'm a recovering perfectionist for goodness sakes!

I also realize that as an alpha female, I might not have a traditional role in a relationship.  I might be the business woman mom and he might be a work from home dad.  (This is all dependent on whether I get married and have children).  I'm not sure an alpha woman is content, fulfilled and happy as a stay-at-home mom - seems there's a high probability of being resentful (but this is probably case-by-case).

Betas are an incredible balance for me.  They keep me grounded.  They ask me to just chill out and enjoy having quiet time.  It's just that when a beta doesn't have clear goals, they are floating.

My alpha-ness cannot handle a floating beta.  It's ugly.

So, I'm much much more open to betas than I previously was, even though they might be less thrilling and exciting.  They bring me peace which is better than any rush.

When a nice beta plus comes to my door, I'll gladly welcome them in...at least for a first date.