Gettin' Weird

I've been on the Dating Detox for 5 months, and I'm getting a little 'lonely.'  Not even a lingering hug for 5 months.

I'm not gonna pretend like I was getting ass before that.

It is a hero's journey to get ass from me.

It takes a lot of time, energy, conversations, trust, monogamy and STD tests.  I'm tired just thinking about it.  I was reminded by a guy friend that it's really hard on the guy.  Yeah, I know.  It's not a picnic for me either.

I've even run out of 'fantasy' material.  Thinking about hooking up with exes makes me cringe.  I got nothin'.

I was hoping to book an acting role that would allow me to 'get weird' and have a makeout session.  The sitcom pilot, the comedy sketches and the feature film I booked didn't allow for any romantic scenarios.  NOTHING.

I told the director of the film that a 'romance' between two characters would really add to the dynamic of the story.

He disagreed.

I was getting desperate.  I wrote a comedy sketch where one character gets a hardcore makeout session, but we cast someone else for the role.  I just got to watch.  Perfect.

So, I've been catching myself checking out guys...everywhere.  

I almost got into a car accident checking out a guy at a red light.  I saw a couple guys with their shirts off walking down the street only to find out that they were 18 (I hope).

And I checked out a tan, lean, shirtless homeless guy.  Not proud of that moment.  But it happened.

The funniest part about it is that checking guys out is almost biological.  

It's not like I'm gonna go hump one of them (though I was tempted to run up to an 18 year old and start dry humping his leg).  It's not like I'm gonna go up and ask any of these guys out.  I still have a month of detox to go, and I wouldn't approach these guys even if I WAS on the prowl.  The instinct to check out a guy is bizarre.  I'm gonna keep doing it, because biologically, I have to, but it's an empty desire.

Every time I check out a guy now, I say to myself, "Just because he's hot, doesn't mean he's a good guy.  Let the Universe pick the guy for you.  Go back to your business."

And then I pout, turn away and go back to my biz-ness.